Yes it is 3.27am and yes I can’t sleep…

Deafening sound of ringing in my ears! And the thoughts that whizz by in a blurr making no sense at all…I try to pull myself into the now…to halt the past of any influance in my present…does it work? No, why? Because the last gives me identity..to who I am what I felt and how happy I was…

I just lie here in the dark…letting silence speak…my eyes slowly burrowing into the bleakness that is my thoughts…I try to get the core of why I can’t sleep…is it family is it friends is it me? Yes it’s me it’s always me! I am the core that is the problem to my thoughts…and only I can stop the process…

What can I do at nearly 4am in the morning about my problems? Clearly nothing…it’s as if my brain is trying to put a safety net on my problems so when they do accure in reality I’m ready…and if that problem has arisen already I’m mulling over how best to deal with it…

It’s mainly how I regret doing silly things in the past…what was I thinking? Was I mad? I doubt my sense have I lost common sense? That’s what keeps me up at night…Doubting myself on a regular basis because of my past choices…so anything I do now I think through fully…how is this going to effect me in the future? Is this the right choice for me to make me happy? This is not a moment to have in the split second you must think future wise! Because your actions have future consequences…

This is why I hate the here and now!